This is my response to Love that Max post What Moms of Special Needs Kids want other Moms to Know. However, some of my points really go out to special needs Moms too.
1. Just because my son has down syndrome that doesn't mean that he can't have autism too.
2. Having both doesn't make it more heart breaking.
3. He is not heart breaking. The system and societal response is heart breaking.
4. I'm not a saint for LOVING my son. It's not saintly to LOVE your own kid. It's not saintly to LOVE your step kid (he was). It's not saintly to LOVE your adopted child (he now is). Yes, Love is fruit of the spirit but not parental LOVE. Non-Christians LOVE their children.
5. Yes, they are twins. No, she doesn't have down syndrome. He's a boy and she's a girl. That makes them fraternal twins not identical. They don't have the same genes. Down Syndrome is a genetic duplicate of Chromosome 21. Autism is also genetic to some degree but the genes haven't been found yet.
6. My "typical" kids are not victims of the disability. They are not neglected just because their sibling needs a bit more attention.
7. Hand flapping and humming mean my son is happy. It might mean something else for another child who does it.
8. Just because he isn't talking doesn't mean he isn't listening. Children LOVE this one. They will ask me on the play ground why my son doesn't talk. I tell them that he hasn't learned how yet but that he is a good listener. Next thing you know all the kids want to tell my son their secrets!
9. I don't notice staring people. I'm too focused on my child/children. In the rare event that I do notice someone, I just say "Hi" and introduce my son to them and start a conversation. The same response I have when my other children notice someone who is different. I tell them to say "Hi." It's not confrontational like other responses and it provided educational opportunity for both parties (social skills training for my son and disability awareness for the stranger).
10. Just because your child has one or two or more of the same diagnosis as mine doesn't mean that they will learn the same things or achieved the same goals. Don't assume I'm doing something wrong because you child appears higher functioning. I can guarantee your child has some challenges that mine doesn't but I haven't assumed that you are doing something wrong. Children and people are INDIVIDUALS. My goal is to help my son live up to his OWN potential.
11. My son isn't a punishment from God. He is a gift, a blessing, and fearfully wonderfully made just like the rest of my children and probably more so since God spent some extra time working on his genetics and neurology!
12. I'm not special. God didn't give me my son because of anything I did or any special skill that I may have. I was equipped afterwards. My potential was brought out for His Glory. My son ENHANCES my life. I am blessed but I didn't do anything to earn it.
13. THE two BEST invitations a special needs mother can get is #1 invitation to play date which includes the child with disabilities and is accommodating to the child with disabilities or #2 invitation to babysit so Mom and Dad can go out alone and re-connect. How might you accomplish this? Ask the Mom. Mom knows best.
14. Kids with autism have emotions. My son has opinions and prefers certain people or hobbies or foods. He is able to LOVE.
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